REVISITING: OBSESSION IN LOVE. WHY DO WOMEN OFTEN GET CAUGHT IN THE TRAP?

The daily news indicates a significant rise in murder suicides at the hands of men, with women and children being the victims. Why do people become obsessed with others? Why are women often the victims of obsession? Self esteem, conflicting and invalid beliefs are major components in the behavior of both the victims and the perpetrators.

WHAT IS OBSESSION? – It’s a passionate feeling of fascination that often quickly evolves into domination. One who becomes obsessed does so out of a lack of self worth or self esteem. The person they are obsessed with is their object of self worth. They believe that this person, as their mate, will bring value to their life. This person also believes they have very little value, which adds to the need to have a mate with value. Even if it’s imagined.

The problem with the players of obsession is both are suffering self love, self worth or self esteem issues. So they often attract one another. One, giving more than taking, the other, taking more than giving. We attract people and events in our lives according to our beliefs. WHICH IS ANOTHER GOOD REASON FOR BELIEF EXAMINATION.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR A PERSON NOT TO HAVE SELF ESTEEM? – It means they don’t recognize or realize their value as a person, often looking for value in things outside of themselves. You know, things like cars, jewelry, clothing, houses, etc. ...material things. And love! Either not knowing what love is or lacking self love, seeking love from others to make up for the lack of self love.

WHY ARE WOMEN OFTEN THE VICTIMS OF OBSESSION? – This is due to many having a lack of recognition of the signs of obsession, in addition to not feeling self love – this stemming from a lack of self knowledge. See, when a woman really knows herself, she’s aware of her likes and dislikes in a man, while recognizing that inner qualities are much more important than the material ones.

Those with less self love allow themselves to be baited by the attention given to them, material gifts and see the obsession as a sign of how much the man truly loves her. Discounting behavior that is over the top in jealousy, control, abusive language and behavior. This self deception often lends itself to an abusive relationship because you weren’t looking at the early signs and making the appropriate adjustments in the moments they happened.

Once again, we train people how to treat us by letting them know when behavior isn’t respectful, from the first. You can always gauge your behavior by imagining being on the receiving end of your actions. A man or woman that can’t stand to see you with another has insecurity problems. To excuse that behavior because I guy gives you nice gifts or is good in bed could be playing with danger. Jealousy, controlling behavior, lack of privacy, and not being able to be you are things you nip in the bud from the very beginning. Otherwise they grow into something much worse.

Ladies, too often you’re ready to put aside your good instincts because it’s been awhile or the guy is spending nice cash on you. And how many times do you hear a young woman say I WANT ME A THUG, only to be disappointed when he turns out to be just that in every phase of his life (even on the down low)? You are training the guy that it’s okay to treat you this way every time you don’t stand up for yourself.

The way a guy looks, dresses, what he drives, how he smells, how he spends money on you and how you look together in public are superficial reasons for being with a man. Controlling behavior and jealousy are not his cute ways of showing you he loves you so much. These are signs of domination. It’s disrespectful if you feel good about your personal freedom and choices. Too many excuses to feel love from others have made it possible for many women to be abused and increasingly murdered.

The men who suffer these obsessions need some serious therapy in belief examination, in self love, what love is, and how to channel their feelings of obsession into their passions. But once again, it boils down to self knowledge and building self love to solve everyday challenges, whether you’re the perp or the victim.  Women can head off guys like this if they are not caught up their lack of self love. 

We build self love, self worth, and self esteem by meeting and overcoming our challenges in life, by discovering, exploring and expressing our passions, understanding our emotions, and helping others help themselves. 

TO LOVE SOMEONE IS TO ALLOW THEM THE FREEDOM TO BE WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE. EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT HAVING THAT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. THAT’S TRUE LOVE! To say you love someone but imprison that person, you’re killing his/her Spirit for living. If you love someone, does their happiness carry any weight in your relationship? Is it all about YOU? Does your mate love you because you hold them in a vice, or because she/he truly wants to be there?

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT'S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.