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NON-COMMUNICATION IN LOVE RELATIONSHIPS, IS A DEAL BREAKER!

posted Saturday, 17 May 2008

Ladies, if your man is not communicating with you about his feelings, you have a time bomb ticking in your relationship, and probably experiencing some anxiety in how to proceed.

This is similar to the current foreign policy of the Bush Administration where they claim it’s wrong to speak with your enemies. When countries don’t communicate with each other verbally, each side is able to conger up wild theories regarding the other, escalating the animosity until they go to war. It’s the same with relationships, just, normally, on a less violent scale.

In general, men have a tendency to think revealing what they feel inside is being feminine. There’s this obsession with comparing what they believe a `real man’ is supposed to be versus being true to ones’ self. The idea has often been formed by images on television and movies, in addition to what peers and family believe. These ideas are often distortions of masculinity. Secure men define their own masculinity.

When you don’t know your man, he can appear moody because you don’t know why he’s behaving the way he is. A number of women are turned on by this behavior only later finding they have no emotional connection.

What’s the motivation behind it? Choose a time with him to sit down and discuss a few things. If he refuses to do this, I would consider this a deal breaker in your relationship. No matter how much you love the guy, if he isn’t willing to have you ask questions about how he’s feeling inside, there isn’t much to keep that relationship together. You will always be an outsider with sex being the only closeness you have.

Behavior like anger, selfishness, jealousy, possessiveness, etc. are items a woman/man has a right to ask questions for understanding. This is how you get to know each other. When behavior doesn’t match what someone is saying, it’s time to question that behavior. When a loved one cannot explain their behavior, it’s often a sign of conflicting and/or invalid beliefs, and calls for further examination.

For the umpteenth time: TRUE LOVE IS ALLOWING YOUR MATE TO BE WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE, EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE.

I’ve had a few people ask me, JUST HOW DO YOU PULL THAT OFF? The answer is, DATE FOR FUN! That means you don’t date with expectations and/or pre-conceived ideas about what’s supposed to transpire, but you wait to experience what happens, and how it feels to be in the moment with that person. As long as you are judging or comparing this person with an ideal or a person you admire, you’re not able to see the person you’re with, clearly. It’s all about how you feel in the moment. Dating then becomes a fun sifting process of who naturally fits your flow in life.

There will be things that people do that you don’t like. But we each have things we can live with and things we can’t. The key is being able to distinguish between the two. We tend to love everything about someone when we first fall for him/her. It’s over time that those things you found endearing later feel like an infringement on your happiness. Why does this happen? Because you didn’t know who and what you are!  So you have only a small idea of what you truly want.

When you truly know yourself, you’re acquainted with your likes and dislikes, in addition to your strengths and weakness. Understanding what your emotions say about who you are. Discover, explore, and express your passions (they establish a path in life tailor made for you), meet the challenges in your life head on, understand and realize Spiritual Law. When you realize how the forces of the Universe operate, you put yourself in the flow of those forces adding power to your actions. Creating a greater power in the mate you can pull or attract to you.

If a person loves you, wouldn’t they want you to be who and what you are if that made you happy? This is what we all want but often don’t realize it, due to a lack of self knowledge. But it’s in knowing how important it is to be who and what you are, that you’re able to understand and realize that’s how you truly love another. Remember understand is grasping a principle with your mind. Realizing something moves you to take action.

With that sensitivity you can easily feel a person who goes with your flow. It makes dating a sifting process to that person you can flow with. Most times people are so desperate for having a mate, virtually anything that comes along is good enough for immediate satisfaction. Truth is, that happens out of ignorance of who and what you are.

Questioning the behavior of a potential long time love is a great way to understand who and what they are. Too many women let men off the hook just to have a guy in their life. If you like temporary rides with little substance, then take that route. But if you’d like to skip some of the unnecessary journeys of romance, where we often repeat the same mistakes, GET TO KNOW YOU FIRST BEFORE LOOKING FOR A MATE! OR JUST DATE FOR FUN AS A MEANS TO GETTING TO KNOW YOUR POTENTIAL WHATEVER!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT'S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

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1. bleugod left...
Saturday, 17 May 2008 4:11 pm :: http://wwwbleugod.blog-city.com

The starting point of any journey always begins with the self. I know within my relationship with the Goddess her quirky things are easy to accept; only because I realize we all have em. Yet a lack of communication is the root to all problems...but it gets worse if the person you are talking to listens but doesn't give a damn about how u feel.


2. Melly Mel left...
Saturday, 17 May 2008 8:38 pm :: http://thepharaohmel.wordpress.com

What you speak is the truth :). Me and Mike been together for like 13 years now, in a time where "change" is at it's finest, and communication and self knowledge has been mason work.

However, as much times as you say it, It never seems to click in my head. Even if you love someone you'll let them go? What? What does that mean. If I let someone out of my life, it's probably because I don't love them. Maybe you have a different meaning, compared to my interpretation? A few explanations or examples would be mighty fine.


3. The Capt. left...
Sunday, 18 May 2008 11:03 am

Bleugod, that does make for a problem. Sometimes folks lose the desire to give a damn over time. Once that's lost, it's very difficult to regain. Sometimes a partner just doesn't hear you because of something going on inside them. It often takes a jolt to the system to get the partner to see clearly. The jolt often stops the lip service and gets back to what's real.

Mel, if you truly love someone, you allow them to be who and what they are (the genuine self). What I'm saying is that sometimes after finding out who and what a person is, you also understand that they will not fit your flow. It doesn't make them a bad person, you're just not a fit, so you let them go. Even in letting them go you are showing them love because you aren't trying to change them from who they naturally are.

Too many folks come to relationships with expectations and pre-conceived ideas they want a mate to meet. Well that's not the purpose for which we're put on earth. It's an unrealistic expectation to believe someone is supposed to live up to what you wish, instead of being true to ones' self.


4. Mel left...
Sunday, 18 May 2008 11:22 am :: http://thepharaohmel.wordpress.com

Ah yes....Genuity :).....It all makes sense now :D. Most appreciated. Sounds like something "That Jesus would do"...love thy enemies...friends...neighbors...etc.


5. The Capt. left...
Sunday, 18 May 2008 11:34 am

Mel, an example; A guy has a reputation for being a player. He may have a great personality, he's a lady killer, etc. but if he doesn't want to settle down with ONE lady, that might not sit well with a potential mate, so it pays not to go there. On the other hand, there are those women who might find this arrangement pretty good. It depends on the people involved.


6. Mel left...
Sunday, 18 May 2008 1:12 pm

That's a a clear example, but it seems like this idea applies to pre-relationships or early relationships. It isn't relevant to matured ones right? Because I keep imagining my own family and trying to let them go, which I can't just...do. And I think that is one of the reason in the past why I couldn't understand this concept.

I understand trying on clothing until one fits. But letting go of some favorite shirt is out of the question ;).


7. The Capt. left...
Sunday, 18 May 2008 2:07 pm

Mel, you'll be surprised at the number of long term relationships where the guy doesn't talk about his feelings. These are relationships that folks have bought into hook, line and sinker but they fail due to a lack of communication. It's obvious you and Mike don't fit this scenario!;]


8. Mel left...
Sunday, 18 May 2008 6:07 pm :: http://thepharaohmel.wordpress.com

Did that comment go through?! I don't even know. Someone was knocking on my door while I was posting that lol.

Again:

In general though, is this relevant to matured relationships? Or is this a first see first kill kinda thing, where when you see the problem, you eliminate it before it becomes permanent? Because in your example, the woman should've known the guy from the beginning, without trying to make drastic changes. We can't expect everyone to be vocal. So is it a specifically pre/early relationship thing? You know the whole...love someone let them go thing.


9. The Capt. left...
Monday, 19 May 2008 6:44 am

Mel, read my response again. I addressed your query! ;]