IS ONE’S SEXUAL HISTORY KEY TO A RELATIONSHIP? – EMOTIONAL COMMITMENT VERSUS EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY

Wanting to know how many partners a mate has had is often the desire of men over women seeking this information. The intensity of getting this information should be a red flag to anyone in a romantic relationship. Why should one’s sexual past be anyone elses business? Even if it’s your so-called soul mate asking!

First, you can’t change the past. Everything that has occurred, in your past, has created who and what you are today. If you are at a good place in your life, now, who is this other person (even though you love ‘em) to make a judgment regarding your past? A person with self worth understands that one reveals only what one wants to reveal. However, one with self worth realizes anyone intensely concerned about one’s sexual past has self worth and identity issues they need to work on. This is not to say that you should never reveal your sexual history, nevertheless, your partner’s response to this revelation says more about them than it does about you (and your past).

This is explained in understanding and realizing the greatest gift you can give to another in a relationship is in accepting the person for who and what they are – without trying to change them. There are elements of every relationship where there are quirks of another you can accept, and those quirks that will drive you nuts over time if it’s not changed. It’s those quirks in the second group where one has to see whether the partner feels it’s in their flow of life to change that element. When the need to change what a person does is more important than the individuals need to change – that person isn’t for you. PLAIN AND SIMPLE!

With that said, it makes it easier to understand emotional commitment and emotional dependency. Emotional commitment is supporting and strengthening the relationship, whereas being emotionally dependent means being a weight or burden on the relationship. An emotionally dependent man sees a threat to his relationship from everyday and past events. Jealousy, being judgmental, possessiveness and obsession are examples of emotional burdens that smother the other person. Being emotionally committed one supports the other, in the relationship, in being who and what they are - giving emotional support when the other may be feeling weak. That's the way a healthy relationship works.

So a guy or a woman, in a relationship, super concerned about your past sexual behavior is a sign of emotional dependency (or plain nosiness). People who fall into this category are folks who suffer from self worth/esteem and identity problems. People overly concerned about your past are often controlling, judgmental, jealous, and obsessive – even to the point of trying to change your past (when they can’t).

Don’t confuse the signs of dependency for love. Jealousy, possessiveness, judgmental behavior, and obsession have NOTHING to do with love. They have to do with problems within the person behaving this way.

For women and men, both, recognizing the signs of emotional dependency is a way to head off future abuse, controlling behavior, obsession, and in the worse circumstances, death. Nevertheless, it’s the way to know this person is not for you in the long run.

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT'S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.